"The Confused Man, # 2"

   Do you realize how long it takes to write really great blogs, stories, poems and books?  I just thought I would ask someone who knows. I am sure someone out there has the answer.  Right now I am having trouble taking another step, then another and another and another.  I must be on stairs.  The Stairway to Heaven no doubt.  If no one knows, maybe I can find out for you.   The first answer is "Lots".  That is what it takes. Lots of time.  I am learning that lesson first, to take lots of time to write something good.  That is why it may be days between my blogs.    

   It took me days just to write this.  I might try taking longer and see if it comes out better.   I am thinking about what I will be writing about, next.  I have been having a hard time sleeping and resorted to counting lions and tigers and horses.  I just don't respect those sheep, in fact I don't like them a bit, that's why I brought in the lions, tigers and horses.  I never thought of it but why are there horses in my dreams.   There must be a reason.  I will drop everything to write to you immediately if and when I find out.  I can't describe to you what happens when lions and tigers are in the same dream as sheep, but it isn't good and it just went viral.  People are just heathens. 

  By the way, I will from time to time add excerpts from the book I am writing, called "The Hours Of Night", a coincidence that this blog has the same name.  David Friedman is the name of the main character.

   I just had a thought.  It was nothing.  Really, it was nothing.  It just passed like a fart up in the mountains.  So you know what happens to farts that smell.  They rise up to the first level of clouds and become the dark ones or they drop down to earth at the most inopportune times seeking to disrupt human interactions. 

   Farts are like female mosquitoes.  They are the ones who have the most lethal itching poison, so if you are outside and you don't hear anything, expect to be bitten by a mosquito soon.  Also, if you are simply going about your business and you smell this awful, sickening smell, it is a fart that has just dropped on you.  When angels get bored they play this games of dropping "F" bombs on unsuspecting people.  It's really funny when one drops on your wife or girlfriend and she tries to explain that she didn't do it.  That is the real meaning of an "F" bomb, not what we use today.  Much more civilized don't you think.

   From time to time, I will have guest writers contribute, that should be loads of fun.  Monday, September 10, 2013.  See you next time.

Mr. Confused aka David Friedman aka David Friesen  

"The Confused Man, #1"

I have gone to the limits of my intelligence writing this blog and I had a very hard time finding my way back.  Who would want to come back to my mind if you didn't have to?  If you only knew the state I am in you would go back and tell all your friends to come and read the ramblings of a Mad Man, or I should say a Confused One.

  My life was on a collision course with the nearest star when all of a sudden something came to my rescue.  It was a very dark night, so I had to rely on all my senses, except my sight.  I don't have a clue as to who or what it was.  My first hint was that whatever it was, it had a very long scratchy beard, a very long tail or long head hair.  Exploring further, I found a hole near where the hair was coming out of and stuck my finger in it.  I assumed it was a mouth or what I hoped was a mouth.  It had a peculiar scent, a little like a combination of my Axe mouthwash and a piece of rotten fruit, kind of sweet smelling.

  Then I put my ear on what I thought was its nose, which it wasn't,  but I could still hear breathing.  I also could hear some gurgling.  What I thought was the nose was small and formed a small cavity filled with pieces of string and fuzz from a cotton shirt.  I'm ashamed of this, but I also put my tongue in it and rolled it around till I had a good taste of it in my mouth.  It tasted just like a fried pickle with avocado sauce you would get at the fair.

  Then I got real brave and put my arms around it and squeezed it and as my wife says, I "skated" over the surface of whatever it was.  It was slick but hairy, soft but damp, sticky but smooth.  That just confused me more but I kind of liked how it felt and I think it liked it too because I could feel it getting warm.  When I tried to clean my hands, I could feel my skin coming off and boy did that hurt.

I wish I could use my magic mirror to help me identify this thing. Then somebody yells out from behind me, "hey you! writer, you can't use your mirror, you're supposed to be blind, remember",  you Dumb Ass.

 So I went back to the beginning and tried to summarize all I had done to identify this thing.  The only sense I had not called upon was my feet.  I have very sensitive feet.  So here is what I did.

  I got down on the floor and onto my back.  I put my feet under the big fat body and pushed for all I was worth.  The thing went into the air and back down and I heard the body hit the floor with an enormous thud.  After I got up and looked at the thing it had shrank till it was only the size of a basketball.

Since I couldn't tell what it was I threw it away in the dumpster behind the bowling alley where all the homeless dogs and cats go to eat and make little baby dogs and cats.

  I hope you liked some of my blogging.  If you liked it and want to contribute to my non-profit life just send it to ME, 75186 West West Street, Denton, California and I will send you the real address.  Sorry we don't take $ 1,000 dollars bills. See all you fine folks next time.

The Confused Man aka Dave Friedman aka David Friesen 

Confusion reigns at my house in the dark

It's a miracle, I can see. But my spacebar stilldoesn'twork.  I am so happy that there are still people out there reading.  Since I am shifting to writing.  I have been working on my book, The Hours Of Night, for almost 2 long years.  Trying to balance it between working, my responsibilities at church and writings poetry whenever I need a break from the book.  Averaging only 2 hours a night is not going to make me famous anytime soon.  I must admit I have never liked reading that much except for the books I had to read for my education.  I still can't believe I made it through four years of grad school.

Back to not liking reading.  Even though this is true, I do like the book myself. I've heard that if an author likes his own writing there is a chance that others will too.  Or it might be the other way around.  Or if you knew me you would go back to reading the daily comics.

Even though I have been AWOL for along time I have kept up with my viewing of life and people through my magic mirror.

My intentions for this blog is to share myself with you and maybe it will strike a chord and you can respond to it.  the other reason is to introduce you to the author and writer side of me.

It is getting early in this time zone so I am all about getting to bed tonight or rather this morning.  A few hours is better than having someone hit you in the mouth.